Working girls.
At work, I keep Pidgin open so I can chat with my google contacts. I don't chat very much, and a lot of it is work and carpool-related. The other day, I got a message from Nadia Wray though. I scrolled through my brain rolodex and came up empty. No Nadia Wrays, nothing even close.
Conversation with calijanessa1@aol.com at 1/9/2012 9:48:47 AM on cbigeagle@gmail.com/ (jabber)
(9:48:47 AM) nadia wray: hi
So, being the social butterfly that I am, I ignore it and close the window.
Soon, however, she's there again, so I finally respond, as this could be someone I know and have just forgotten about.
Conversation with calijanessa1@aol.com at 1/9/2012 10:17:49 AM on cbigeagle@gmail.com/ (jabber)
(10:17:49 AM) nadia wray: hello?
(10:31:59 AM) cbigeagle@gmail.com/67105D76: hi there
(10:32:06 AM) nadia wray: hey whats up? 23/F here. youu?
(10:32:59 AM) cbigeagle@gmail.com/67105D76: i don't recognize your name, do we know each other?
23/F.
That's all I need to know, because 1) I'm at work and 2) I'm thirty-fucking-three and I'm just not that interested in trying to conjure any sort of game in a chat window. After I ask for a name, I get silence for a bit. A-HA! A stranger, I knew it!
Conversation with calijanessa1@aol.com at 1/9/2012 10:37:58 AM on cbigeagle@gmail.com/ (jabber)
(10:37:58 AM) nadia wray: ashley
Wha? I know a couple ashleys, but none of them 23 and involved in skeezy midday chats. I could spell this out, but my silence will do the work for me!
Conversation with calijanessa1@aol.com at 1/9/2012 10:58:50 AM on cbigeagle@gmail.com/ (jabber)
(10:59:28 AM) cbigeagle@gmail.com/67105D76: do we know each other from somewhere?
Fine. Curiosity is creeping up on me. I mean, I've seen plenty of movies, I know about weird stuff like split personalities and Ambien-induced sleep-socializing. Maybe I do know this person. And it's not like my monitor faces my office window or anything, what could possibly go wrong? Nothing!
Conversation with calijanessa1@aol.com at 1/9/2012 10:59:36 AM on cbigeagle@gmail.com/ (jabber)
(10:59:36 AM) nadia wray: hmm. have we chattted before?
(10:59:54 AM) cbigeagle@gmail.com/67105D76: i don't think so, you may have the wrong email address.
(11:00:03 AM) nadia wray: oh ok. l wasn't sure. anywayz.... whats up?
(11:01:13 AM) cbigeagle@gmail.com/67105D76: well, currently working. don't really have the time to chat.
(11:01:23 AM) nadia wray: im Iikee so boreeddd.... there iss nothinggggg too do
(11:01:39 AM) nadia wray: ohhh waiit! i have a greatt idea. have u eveer watched a sexyy girI Iike me striip Iive on a cam before?
(11:04:09 AM) cbigeagle@gmail.com/67105D76: oh, wow, i haven't gotten one of these chat requests in forever. i love what you do, it's great, and god knows cam girls are rad, but i'm not really into that any more. so, i'm going to go ahead and log off, and i wish you a pleasant day filled with many sexy chats and hopefully some valueable American Dollars.
(11:04:20 AM) nadia wray: wellIIl.... u couId watcch me strrip if u wouId Iike?
(11:04:48 AM) cbigeagle@gmail.com/67105D76: that was a quick response. is this a bot?
(11:04:56 AM) nadia wray: Im not a freaking bot
(11:05:06 AM) cbigeagle@gmail.com/67105D76: lol
(11:05:22 AM) nadia wray: yeah? okk weIl my cam is setuup through this webbsite so that i can't bee recorded so u have too signupp there.
(11:05:31 AM) nadia wray: it onIyy takes a minnute and it is freee. ok?
(11:07:54 AM) cbigeagle@gmail.com/67105D76: nope, you're fishin' in an empty pond, but i'm sure there are plenty of other customers out there that don't have a windowed office 20 feet away from their HR director. have a wonderful day, ciao!
(11:08:10 AM) nadia wray: http://twurl.nl/yudz1w goo therre then up at thhe top of the paage cIlick on the goIldish JOIN FREE buttton.
(11:08:15 AM) nadia wray: k?
(11:09:26 AM) cbigeagle@gmail.com/67105D76: i haven't turned down internet nudity this hard since that time i was IRCing at church.
(11:09:42 AM) nadia wray: also it doess askk for a creditt card but thats how thhey keep kids outt. it does nott charrge the card. ok?
(11:11:07 AM) cbigeagle@gmail.com/67105D76: credit card? who the hell uses a credit card? have you seen the economy? i'm a libertarian, and as such, i believe it's out solemn duty as American citizens to adhere to cash for currency and gold and other precious minerals as investment.
(11:11:24 AM) nadia wray: ok baabe weIl hurrry up and when u gett Iogged in then u can vieew my cam andd we can havve some funnn!
(11:11:39 AM) nadia wray: i aIso have some toyys but u have to tiip me some goId or joiin me in privaate to see thosse.
(11:13:28 AM) cbigeagle@gmail.com/67105D76: my Libertarian sensibilities give me plenty of moral leeway to watch girls get naked for cash, however, those same Libertarian sensibilities give me the wherewithall to only pay in cash. ones and twenties.
(11:13:38 AM) nadia wray: hey Iets taIk on there babee. my messengerr is messiing up.
(11:14:21 AM) cbigeagle@gmail.com/67105D76: or gold bullion, but only where it's readily available, which is usually at a Dubai ATM.
(11:16:19 AM) cbigeagle@gmail.com/67105D76: i'm saddened by your lack of persistence. you almost had me, but then you gave up. kids today, where is your entrepreneurial spirit?
The moral of the story is, don't feed the trolls. Don't feed the troll that lives within you. A responsible employee would have closed that window and ignored it, not diving headlong into the sales pitch of some camgirl with a shitty auto-chat program. She was obviously controlling it though, and when she came back with "Im not a freaking bot", I have to admit that I put just a little trollface on and started wondering in which direction I could take this. I had a story about Ron Paul's quest to turn America into a bullet-ridden, anarchy-fueled, apocalyptic Randian wasteland, so I already had a bunch of bullshit libertarianism in my head.
I've also unblocked Nadia/Ashley. I can't wait for the next chat, because next time...I'll be chatting on my phone...from a camp...in the Colombian jungle...trying to get a message out to the American embassy. Will Nadia/Ashley save me? Or just steal my credit card number and give me a bad topless webcam dance?